Monday, February 25, 2008

Confessions of a Tired Mommy!

I was talking to a friend the other day about how much we love reading our friends' blogs. But we both agreed that the pictures and cute stories are so perfect that it a little intimidating when you compare them to your own situation. Now, I know that no one wants to gripe ALL the time - but a little reality now and then can be reassuring to the rest of us. So in this blog entry I offer a little reality to others who wonder if they are alone in their struggles. And for those of you who DO have perfect lives, here is an opportunity to laugh at the rest of us!

The theme of these past six weeks (yes, Addison is six weeks today!) is "when was the last time I...(fill in the blank)?" I wonder when was the last time I put on make-up or brushed my teeth before noon? For that matter, when was the last time I washed my hair? When was the last time Elli or Addison had a bath? When was the last time I went one day without getting spit-up/peed/pooped on? When was the last time I got to go to the bathroom without having Elli standing there watching me? When was the last time I wasn't tired? When was the last time I got to sleep in my own bed? When was the last time all the laundry was washed? And when was the last time I wrote in the blog?

Don't get me wrong, I love my life! And I love my family. I love being a mom, but I sure am tired. I have had a cold this past week and for two days I couldn't talk at all. My immune system is worn down due to my severe lack of sleep over the past weeks. I'm still not better, but at least I can talk again. Ruston says I need to have some family or friends come help me out, but I feel like I need to get used to doing this on my own. If people help me then I will just have to figure it out alone after they leave.

Addison is so cute. But don't ask me at 2 a.m. if we're ever going to have more kids? At this point my answer would be NO! But I know that in a few weeks (months?) those feeling of contempt will go away and I will forget about the sleepless nights. We laughed at all the signs in the hospital that said "never never, never shake a baby." What kind of demented person would think about shaking a baby? Oh...now I understand. It's those thoughts that creep into your mind when Addison has been crying for 5 hours and will not eat, sleep, or shut up! Don't worry, I would never hurt my kids. But I can understand how someone with a less healthy mind, or disfunctional upbringing could act on those thoughts.

My only peace has come from sleeping with Addison beside me on the couch. Yes, I KNOW that sleeping with a baby is incredibly unsafe and I feel guilty about it every day. But I can either get some guilt-ridden sleep or go crazy and (call me selfish) I'm taking the guilt...I mean the sleep! I think that I will try tonight, since she's six weeks, to have Addison sleep in her cradle. This will obviously mean no sleep for me, but I've got to try sometime right? Besides, my back is really starting to hurt from sleeping on the couch. So if you don't hear from me for awhile that's because I'm taking a nap with every spare moment I can scrape up.

Elli has been a wonderful big sister. She is kind to Addison and has even learned to say "I love you." But she does make a LOT of messes? When was the last time my living room was clean? I couldn't tell you! Every day she dumps out all the diapers, all the toys, all the books, and both my purse and the diaper bag. I could probably get her to stop with a quick swat to the bum, but do I really want to be spanking and yelling at her all day long? Speaking of bums, Elli has decided that she wants to be potty trained. I'll be the first to admit that I do not have the time or patience to sit and wait for her to "go", but I feel guilty discouraging her from trying when she is clearly ready. She tells me before she goes in her diaper and has had one successful potty in her little Dora toilet, but she's also peed on the floor once too. So we're one for one. I'm not going to push anything, but if she wants to train herslf - she's welcome to try.

Good news in our house is that Ruston has been accepted into the residency program at the University of Utah hospital after graduation. We'll move to Salt Lake City in May and live there until the program ends in late June 2009. We're really excited for the opportunity and especially about getting back west. Now we just have to sell our house - with this market we're going to need all the help we can get. Cross your fingers.

Well, duty calls and it's lunch time around here. Hopefully, I have helped some other moms feel better about themselves and given the rest of you a better perspective of the day to day life of a new mom. Life is great and I am happy, but when both girls are asleep - heaven help the person who calls our house in the middle of my nap time!